Originally posted July 3, 2008
My main purpose in this post is to point out how one company (no doubt representative of a lot of companies) wasted words and money and, ultimately, let their customers pick up the tab. They could have done it right the first time if they had put a professional writer on the task, to check important benefit statements, ensuring that they were accurate and clearly written to avoid any ambiguity. The Story: Letter from BCN
Recently, I received a letter from Blue Care Network of Michigan, my health insurance company. I was in my "ready state,” prepared to accept that BCN had again reduced some of my benefits, when I opened the letter. At first glance, I saw the words "surrogate parenting exclusion" and relaxed a little. OK, so far, so good. Doesn't pertain to me.
Then I read more carefully (the topic piqued my interest):
BlueCare Network has made a change to your certificate of coverage.
As required by the state, we replaced the surrogate parent exclusion with the following new language:
All services provided to nonmember surrogate parents are excluded from coverage.
“OK, sure, that's good. 11 words, to the point...(ignore: passive sentence structure).”
Then I read the next paragraph:
The benefit has not changed. The language simply restates it more clearly. Previously the benefit stated: …
“Whoa...wait a minute...isn’t there some “spin” going on here? Since when does the aforementioned “exclusion” become a “benefit?” Sigh.” I read on:
Previously the benefit stated:
All services related to surrogate parenting arrangements, including, but not limited to, maternity and obstetrical care for non-member surrogate parents
This sentence, despite the length (20 words), had something missing. Sure, it didn't have a period at the end of the sentence, but where's the all important “are not covered” that should go at the end? It was such a poor sentence to begin with, I was thrown for a minute. How could this have been left out? Also, I started to fume when I realized that this mailing must have cost the company a lot of money.
The Gory Details: Bad Writing and the Damage ($$)
First and foremost, doesn’t BCN know the first thing about writing to their customers? Never send it out if it has only passed under the eyes of a lawyer. The erroneous statement’s legal sentence structure suggests that a lawyer probably wrote it and carelessly submitted it to BCN without the “are not covered” on the end. BCN probably accepted it blindly and, knowing as I do how looming deadlines impact things, they printed their benefit coverage book without a thorough, final review.
Did the benefit coverage book ever have a good review by one or more writers or editors? Were they even involved in the process? A good writer or editor would have never let this get to press. In my admittedly fictitious world where writers rule, they would have had the unconditional blessing by management to scan for potential errors, question anything and everything that looked off, and then rewrite them if needed.
This sentence should have been stopped dead in its tracks. It illustrates out how poorly constructed sentences can cause so much ambiguity that they leave businesses open to potential lawsuits, causing them to have to spend a lot of money to repair the damage.
So, how much did this cost BCN and, ultimately, its customers? See my calculation below. Go ahead, feel free to dispute my numbers and knock off $10,000 or $20,000 if you think I'm off on my quote. It still cost a bundle
The Cost Calculation: And who will pay for it?
I learned that Blue Care Network of Michigan and its subsidiaries has 648,000 members.
All figures have been rounded in some way or another.
Paper - 2 pages, plus envelope = $ .05 per member = $324.00
Ink - $.02 per member = $130.00
Postage - This is a biggie. I saw that the envelope was marked Presorted STD, so I figured each piece cost the rate of $.394 per member = $255,300
Employee Cost. It takes a team of people in a big corporation to agree on the composition of the letter (hmmm…I wonder where they were when the erroneous sentence was approved?) and approval takes some more people. I'd estimate a total cost of $6,000.00. Then you need to have it printed, put into the envelopes, and put on pallets to be picked up. Total labor? I'd say another $6,000. So, $12,000 in all.
Updating Sections 1.09 and 2.13 (in the BCN benefit book) with proper wording = $3000.00
Total Cost of this mailing = $270,754.00
That's more than a quarter of a million dollars, folks.
Now, who’s going to pay for it? You’re right. We are. With higher health care expenses. This money wasting exercise could have been easily avoided: Hire a professional writer (not a lawyer, not a vice-president, not an HR person) who knows words, knows the company policy, and who cares about words and their meaning. A writer who is in a valued position and has clout with upper management could have flagged the error and written the correcting sentence very easily. (You know, the sentence that BCN says “simply restates it more clearly.”)
It’s always not simple to be clear. It’s not always apparent when something is not clear. And it’s easy to throw legalese on top of a sentence to make it appear important and correct.
No, it’s not simple to write clearly. It takes someone who is dedicated to the job, who is focused on the correct use of words to save a company from issuing embarrassing, expensive letters like the one I received.
A writer can prevent a company from losing money and thereby prevent the company from peeling the cost off its bottom line and sticking it on the back of the customer.
